Two hydrogen atoms meet.

One says "I've lost my electron."

The other says "Are you sure?"

The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

any other groaners? feel welcome to contribute.

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him ...

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

.........

A horse walks into a bar.  Bartender says "why the long face?"

A Sandwich walks into a bar.  Bartender says "sorry, we don't serve food."

A jumper cable walks into a bar.  Bartender says "Alright you can drink here, but you better not start anything."

A guy walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.  He says "One for me, one for the road."

Two peanuts were walking down the street.  One was assulted.

Two peices of string walk into a bar, bartender says "sorry, we don't serve strings."  Determined, the strings try another bar.  Same story.  Finally one of the strings gets an idea.  He unravels himself a bit on top, and ties himself in a not.  He goes back to the first bar and orders a drink.  Bartender says "aren't you that string I turned away earlier?"  The string says "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

Daddy Dee:

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

 

This made him ...

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Good thread, Dee! Thanks for the dedication!

Man walks into a bar carring a Head. He puts the Head on the Bar, and says this is my Son who just turned 21, so Beers for Both of Us!

The Father helps his son drink the Beer, when Suddenly his son grows a body, and stands over 6' feet tall.

Suddenly his Son, falls over dead, the the Bartender Leans over the Bar and says " You should have quit when you were a Head"...............

Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Athena the wonder dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both.

Two peanuts were walking down the street.  One was a salted.

Two audio nuts were arguing over what amp is better and if one can really hear the differences between speaker wire,...oh never mind y'all all have read this one !

dtel:

Two audio nuts were arguing over what amp is better and if one can really hear the differences between speaker wire,...oh never mind y'all all have read this one !

Without question, the worst jokes I ever heard. Sooooo, I will contribute........

EDIT: Had to pull that one........

tc

filmboydoug:

Two peanuts were walking down the street.  One was a salted.