A "Hangover" from the Schlitz thread:

Do you know why cavemen drug their women by the hair?

They fill up if you drag them by the feet!!

Harry

HarryO:

A "Hangover" from the Schlitz thread:

Do you know why cavemen drug their women by the hair?

They fill up if you drag them by the feet!!

Harry

Most excellent, bender! 

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?

Last years "Hide and Seek" Champion.

Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants.

Bartender says "Hey, Blackbeard, doesn't that steering wheel sticking out of your crotch bother you?"

"Ahhrrg, Matey" says the pirate, "It's drivin' me nuts."  

Dave

Mallette:

Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants.

Bartender says "Hey, Blackbeard, doesn't that steering wheel sticking out of your crotch bother you?"

"Ahhrrg, Matey" says the pirate, "It's drivin' me nuts."  

Dave

"Women are like pianos...when they're not upright, they're grand!" ~Benny Hill~

with all due respect to Fini, this looks like something Coytee might try ...

The church organist, Was in her eighties And had never been married.
She was admired for her sweetness And kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor Came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.
She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, The young minister Noticed a cute glass bowl Sitting on top of it.
The bowl was filled With water, And in the water Floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned With tea and scones, They began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity About the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
'Miss Beatrice', he said,
'I wonder if you would tell me about this.'
Pointing to the bowl.
'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful?
”I was walking through The Park a few months ago And I found this little package On the ground. The directions said To place it on the organ, Keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu All winter.”

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him.
"No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."
Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier.
But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of vaseline.
Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE  DISHES"

OK, I came up with one, right outta my head.

What's the difference between Lehman Brothers and Sony?  One has bad assets, and the other has bad ass sets.

An Arkansas senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of a Little Rock dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph,enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

'Amazing,' he thought as he flew down I-40 towardsFort Smith, pushing the pedal even more.Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a StateTrooper car behind him, blue and red lights flashing.He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120.

Suddenly he thought, 'What am I doing? I'm too oldfor this,' and pulled over to await the Trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said,'Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today isFriday. If you can give me a reason for speedingthat I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'

The old gentleman paused. Then said, 'Years ago,my wife ran off with a Arkansas State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.

' 'Have a good day, Sir,' replied the Trooper.

 What did the trailer say to the tractor?

'Pull me a little closer, John Dear"