An old man goes into the drug store to buy some Viagra.

"Can I get 6 tablets cut into quarters"? the old man asked.

The pharmacist replies " a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection"

The old man pops back "I'm 96 years old fella, I don't want a full erection, just stickin' out far enough so as not to pee on my slippers?

Old
>  Fart Football
>  
>
>  An  old
> married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the  old
> man passes gas and says,  'Seven Points.'
>  
>
> His
>  wife rolls over and says, 'What in
> the 
> world was
>  that?' 
>  The old man
> replied, 'It's fart
>  football.' 
>  
>  A few minutes
> later his  wife lets one go
> and 
> says 
>  'Touchdown,
>  tie score.' 
>  
>  After about five
>   minutes the old man
> lets 
> another one go and
> says,  
>  'Aha. I'm
> ahead 14 to 7.'
>   
>
>  Not
>  to be outdone the wife rips out
> another 
> one and
>  says, 
>  'Touchdown,
> tie score.'  
>  
>  Five seconds go
> by and she lets  out a little squeaker and
> says, 
>  'Field
> goal,  I
> lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on the old man.
>  
>  
>  He refuses to get beaten by a  woman, so
> he strains real hard. 
>  Since defeat
>  is totally unacceptable,he gives it everything
> he's  got, 
>  and accidentally
> poops in the bed.  
>  
>  The wife says,
> 'What the hell was
>  that?' 
>
> The
>  old man says, 'Half time, switch
>  sides.  
>
>

A couple had been married for 50 years.
 
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'
 
'I know,' the old man said.  'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'
 
'Well,' Granny snickered.  'Let's relive some old times.'
 
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
 
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
 
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps.   'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal 
 

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild,
stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see
three people waiting for the bus:


1. An old
lady who looks as if she is about to die.


2. An old
friend who once saved your life.


3. The perfect partner
you have been dreaming about.


Which one
would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that
there could only be one passenger in your car?
Think before you continue reading.


This is a
moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used
as part of a job
application. You could pick up the old lady,
because she is going to
die, and thus you should save her first. Or you
could take the old
friend because he once saved your life, and this
would be the perfect
chance to pay him back. However, you may never be
able to find your perfect mate again.






YOU WON 'T
BELIEVE THIS...................




The
candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants)
had no trouble coming up
with his answer. He simply answered: 'I would give
the car keys to my
old friend and let him take the lady to the
hospital. I would stay
behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my
dreams.'


Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our
stubborn thought limitations.


Never forget
to 'Think Outside of the Box.'






HOWEVER....,
The correct answer is to run the old lady over and
put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on
the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.


God, I just
love happy endings!

'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'

'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amaz ing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'

 You know, you just cannot get this kind of quality on AudioKarma or Steve Hoffmann.  I am honored this thread is named for me!!

observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological

advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.' 

the white man go wrong?' 

'When white man find this land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo,

plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man

 spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.' 

could improve system like that.'  

True!!!

"Dear God, this year please send clothes for all those poor ladies  in Daddy's computer,
Amen."