We haven't had one of these in a while, so I'll start...........

Relaxing Federal Taxes on Gas for 3 months............. Yuk, Yuk, Yuk, that's funny !!!!!!!!!!!! ....

What's the difference between a Harley and a vacuum cleaner?

The position of the dirtbag.

 What's a four letter word ending in 'k' for intercourse?

Seven young brothers were so poor that they had to share one bed, with some at one end, some at the other end. Even worse, three of them were bed-wetters.

One of the "dry" brothers asked another one, "Which end will you sleep in tonight?"

"The shallow end!", he answered.

Talk

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?''

The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.'

The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'

A blonde is overweight so her doctor put her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days," he tells her. "Then skip a day and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly four stone. "Why that's amazing," the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger you mean?" Asks the doctor.
"No," replies the blonde, "from skipping."

The first says: "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"

The second then starts: "That sounds like a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one called Quinns. At Quinns, you buy a drink, Quinn buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Quinn buys you another drink."

Then the third pipes up. "You think that's good? Where I come from, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"
"Wow!" say the other two. "That sounds fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?" "No," replies their friend, "but it happened to my sister!"

Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar.  Heisenberg looks around for a moment, then says "Well, as there are three of us and we are inside a bar, this must be a joke, but I can't determine whether it's funny or not."  Gödel looks at him and says "Of course not, we're inside the joke.  To determine if it's funny we'd have to be outside."  To which Chomsky replies "Idiot, of course it's funny, you're just not telling it right."

There are 10 kinds of people in the world... those who understand ternary, those who don't, and those scrambling for a dictionary.

Thanks for not dumbing down your humour, Ray!

   I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An ID ten T error? What's that just in case I need to fix it again."

    Eric looked at me funny, then grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?" "No," I replied. "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." So I wrote down: ID10T...

    I used to like Eric...

Guy walks into a bar with his 3 legged pig. Bar tender says We don't serve pigs here, he has to go! Guy says, but this is a special pig last year my house cought fire and this pig woke us all up and got the kids out of the house, That's great he says but we don't serve pigs. Guy says but just this summer we went to the beach and this pig saved my son when he was drowning.

Bar tender says thats really impressive, but rules, are rules, but I have to ask "why does your pig have 3 legs"

YOU CAN'T EAT A SPECIAL PIG LIKE THAT ALL AT ONCE!!!

 From the PBS series "Carrier" which concluded last night...

"A carrier landing is like having sex during a car accident, There's a great reward to it, it feels wonderful, but it's a bit violent and when it's over, it's pretty quick."

Letter to the airlines on how to save money....

Dump the male flight attendants.  No one wanted them in the first place.  Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers!  What the heck they don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss? The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips!

Because the terrorists are afraid of seeing naked women, hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right. A golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,
Bill Clinton