General Questions

Re: for Fini

HarryO — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 17:59:13 GMT

"Dear God, this year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer,
Amen."

Re: for Fini

germerikan — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 08:41:37 GMT

True!!!

Re: for Fini

HarryO — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 02:00:53 GMT

Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official, 'You have

observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological

advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did

the white man go wrong?'

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied.

'When white man find this land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo,

plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man

spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.'

Then the chief leaned back and smiled. 'Only white man dumb enough to think he

could improve system like that.'

Re: for Fini

fini — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 01:25:10 GMT

You know, you just cannot get this kind of quality on AudioKarma or Steve Hoffmann. I am honored this thread is named for me!!

Re: for Fini

HarryO — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 22:58:56 GMT

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'

'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amaz ing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'

Re: for Fini

HarryO — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 22:49:53 GMT

THANK YOU FOR YOUR RECENT ORDER FROM OUR SEX TOYS SHOP.

YOU ASKED FOR THE LARGE RED VIBRATOR AS FEATURED ON OUR WALL DISPLAY.

PLEASE SELECT ANOTHER ITEM BECAUSE THAT IS OUR FIRE EXTINGUISHER.

Re: for Fini

dtel — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 21:15:54 GMT

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild,
stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see
three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old
lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old
friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner
you have been dreaming about.

Which one
would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that
there could only be one passenger in your car?
Think before you continue reading.

This is a
moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used
as part of a job
application. You could pick up the old lady,
because she is going to
die, and thus you should save her first. Or you
could take the old
friend because he once saved your life, and this
would be the perfect
chance to pay him back. However, you may never be
able to find your perfect mate again.

YOU WON 'T
BELIEVE THIS...................

The
candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants)
had no trouble coming up
with his answer. He simply answered: 'I would give
the car keys to my
old friend and let him take the lady to the
hospital. I would stay
behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my
dreams.'

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our
stubborn thought limitations.

Never forget
to 'Think Outside of the Box.'

HOWEVER....,
The correct answer is to run the old lady over and
put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on
the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

God, I just
love happy endings!

Re: for Fini

greg928gts — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 01:21:36 GMT

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'

'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'

'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'

'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal

Re: for Fini

HarryO — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 08:46:35 GMT

Old
> Fart Football
>
>
> An old
> married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old
> man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
>
>
> His
> wife rolls over and says, 'What in
> the
> world was
> that?'
> The old man
> replied, 'It's fart
> football.'
>
> A few minutes
> later his wife lets one go
> and
> says
> 'Touchdown,
> tie score.'
>
> After about five
> minutes the old man
> lets
> another one go and
> says,
> 'Aha. I'm
> ahead 14 to 7.'
>
>
> Not
> to be outdone the wife rips out
> another
> one and
> says,
> 'Touchdown,
> tie score.'
>
> Five seconds go
> by and she lets out a little squeaker and
> says,
> 'Field
> goal, I
> lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on the old man.
>
>
> He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so
> he strains real hard.
> Since defeat
> is totally unacceptable,he gives it everything
> he's got,
> and accidentally
> poops in the bed.
>
> The wife says,
> 'What the hell was
> that?'
>
> The
> old man says, 'Half time, switch
> sides.
>
>

Re: for Fini

HarryO — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 08:38:32 GMT

An old man goes into the drug store to buy some Viagra.

"Can I get 6 tablets cut into quarters"? the old man asked.

The pharmacist replies " a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection"

The old man pops back "I'm 96 years old fella, I don't want a full erection, just stickin' out far enough so as not to pee on my slippers?

Re: for Fini

HarryO — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 08:32:06 GMT

Bubba is driving down a back road in Alabama .

A sign in front of a restaurant reads:

HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL

Lobster Tail and Beer

"Lord a'mighty," he says to himself, "my three favorite things!"

Re: for Fini

HarryO — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 08:25:34 GMT

THE POTTY

A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET. HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP. THE LITTLE BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET READING A BOOK. BUT ABOUT EVERY 10 SECONDS OR SO HE PUTS THE BOOK DOWN, GRIPS ONTO TO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITS HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.

HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE. BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MOMMY.. I JUST HAVEN'T GONE 'DOODY' YET."

MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES. BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"

BILLY SAYS: "WORKS FOR KETCHUP."

Re: for Fini

Islander — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 18:15:40 GMT

Logic

Two Rednecks, Larry and Doug, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.

Larry turns to Doug and says, 'You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes..'

Doug thinks it's a good idea and the two leave.

The next day, Larry goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

'Logic?' Larry says. 'What's that?'

The dean says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?'

'Yeah.'

'Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard.'

'That's true, I do have a yard.'

'I'm not done,' the dean says. 'Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house.'

'Yes, I do have a house..'

'And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.'

'Yes, I have a family.

'I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual.'

'I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater.'

Excited to take the class now, Larry shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Doug at the bar. He tells Doug about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

'Logic?' Doug says, 'What's that?'

Larry says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?'

'No.'

'Then you're a homo.'

Re: for Fini

greg928gts — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 03:56:48 GMT

Bill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day
to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.

'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'

'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.

'Yes, I did.' he replied.

'My God, Bill, what happened?'

'I got fired.'

'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'

'Oh....she got fired too.'

Re: for Fini

Groomlakearea51 — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 12:54:44 GMT

Today is United Nations day!!!!

In honor of this day..... I'm going to sit around, argue with my wife and kids, and do absolutely nothing......