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Last post 11-14-2009 12:59 PM by HarryO. 339 replies.
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  • 03-19-2008 7:15 AM In reply to

    Re: for Fini

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    HarryO,

    That's too funny. I used to live near and often visit that historic archeological site.

    "I know I'm paranoid.... but, am I paranoid enough?" --Tom Clancy

  • 03-19-2008 7:33 AM In reply to

    Re: for Fini

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    DD,

    I was raised in the south and one of my "Yankee" buddies always sends me stuff like this.

    Life is all about perception.

    Harry

    "A man who has nothing which he cares more about than he does about his personal safety is a miserable creature who has no chance at being free, unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."

  • 03-29-2008 12:50 PM In reply to

    Re: for Fini

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    "More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"
    bumper sticker: Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
    "I know I'm paranoid.... but, am I paranoid enough?" --Tom Clancy

  • 06-08-2008 2:29 AM In reply to

    Re: for Fini

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            Dear Mom,

    It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I
    wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
    But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and
    the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion... Mom she's pregnant. Stacy said
    that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
    We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana
    doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live
    nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy
    can get better. She deserves it...
    Don't worry Mom. I'm 16 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit
            so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
    Love, Your Son Jon
    P.S. Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse
    things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.  
    "A man who has nothing which he cares more about than he does about his personal safety is a miserable creature who has no chance at being free, unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."

  • 06-08-2008 11:11 AM In reply to

    • fenderbender
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    Re: for Fini

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    As long as we are being lame

    What did the fish say when it swam into the concrete wall???

    Dam!!!

    Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm

  • 06-08-2008 3:17 PM In reply to

    Re: for Fini

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    some people want to achieve immortality through their work...

    ...I'd like to achieve immortality, by not dying.         --Woody Allen

    "I know I'm paranoid.... but, am I paranoid enough?" --Tom Clancy

  • 07-27-2008 8:07 PM In reply to

    Re: for Fini

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    An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day. He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey.

    He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.  As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

    The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?'

    The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, 'No, I never did dance. I just never wanted to.'

    A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, 'Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now,' and started shooting at the old man's feet.

    The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing.

    When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

    The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back, making a double clicking sound. The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around, looking down both barrels of the shotgun.

    The old man asked, 'Did you ever kiss a mule's a$$?'

    The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, 'No. But I've always wanted to.'


    The 2 main lessons from this story are:

    1. Don't ever waste your ammunition.

    And most importantly........

    2. Don't mess with old people.

     

    "A man who has nothing which he cares more about than he does about his personal safety is a miserable creature who has no chance at being free, unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."

  • 07-27-2008 8:10 PM In reply to

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    Thought For The Day Handle every stressful situation like a dog.If you can’t eat it or hump it. Pi$$ on it and walk away.
    "A man who has nothing which he cares more about than he does about his personal safety is a miserable creature who has no chance at being free, unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."

  • 07-27-2008 9:27 PM In reply to

    • fenderbender
    • Top 150 Contributor
    • Joined on 03-03-2008
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    Re: for Fini

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    OK

    what do you do with a dog with no legs???

    Take it for a drag!!!

    what do you call a cow with no legs???

    Ground beef!

    What do you call a cow thats had an abortion??

    Decafinated!

    Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm

  • 07-27-2008 10:07 PM In reply to

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    What do you call a fly with no wings?

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    A walk!

    '80 LaScalas type AAs new caps, Denon AVR-589, Pioneer PL-512 w/ Shure M97xE, Magnavox DVD/CD HD upconvert w/ ZBox, 15" Home Brew Sub powered by Dayton 1000 wrms sub amp, 57" Hitachi HD rear projection TV
    Sean Clement

  • 07-28-2008 6:36 AM In reply to

    Re: for Fini

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    While shopping in a grocery store, two Baptist church ladies happened to
    pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would
    like a beer. The second good Baptist sister
    answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would
    feel uncomfortable about purchasing it. The first sister replied that she
    would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to
    the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look, so the good Baptist sister said,
    'This is for washing our hair.'

    Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a
    package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer. 'The curlers are on me.'

    Harry

    "A man who has nothing which he cares more about than he does about his personal safety is a miserable creature who has no chance at being free, unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."

  • 07-28-2008 7:21 AM In reply to

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    He who plays alone, .............. plays with himself !!! .................... EH !!!!

    "The color of a man's skin should be no more significant than the color of his eyes"

  • 07-28-2008 11:48 AM In reply to

    Re: for Fini

    Reading.gif
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    I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking....

    Scared the s..t out of me.

    So that's it!

    After today, no more reading.

    '80 LaScalas type AAs new caps, Denon AVR-589, Pioneer PL-512 w/ Shure M97xE, Magnavox DVD/CD HD upconvert w/ ZBox, 15" Home Brew Sub powered by Dayton 1000 wrms sub amp, 57" Hitachi HD rear projection TV
    Sean Clement

  • 07-29-2008 2:00 AM In reply to

    Re: for Fini

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    Old Mule

    A city boy moved to the country and bought
    a mule from an old farmer for $100.00.

    The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.
    The next day, the farmer drove up and said,
    "Sorry, but I have some bad news. The mule died."

    "Well, then, just give me my money back."

    "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

    "OK, then. Just unload the mule."

    "What ya gonna do with him?"

    "I'm going to raffle him off."

    "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"

    "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody
    he's dead."

    A month later the farmer met up with the city
    boy and asked, "Whatever happened with that
    dead mule?"

    "I raffled him off. I sold a hundred tickets
    at two dollars apiece and made ninety-eight dollar
    profit.

    "Didn't anyone complain?"

    "Just the guy who won.
    So I gave him his two dollars back".

    "A man who has nothing which he cares more about than he does about his personal safety is a miserable creature who has no chance at being free, unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."

  • 07-31-2008 6:02 PM In reply to

    Re: for Fini

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    Just a bit of humor
    Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?


    Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:



    You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
    Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a 40 caliber Glock, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

    ____________________________________ ______________


    THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN







    Democrat's Answer:
    Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
    Does the man look poor or oppressed?
    Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
    Could we run away?
    What does my wife think?
    What about the kids?
    Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
    What does the law say about this situation?
    Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it?
    Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
    Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
    Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
    If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
    Should I call 9-1-1?
    Why is this street so deserted?
    We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day, and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
    This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.
    __________________________________________________


    Republican's Answer:
    BANG!
    __________________________________________________




    Southerner's Answer:
    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
    BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
    BANG! Click
    Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?'
    Son: "Can I shoot the next one!"
    Wife: "You're not takin' that to the Taxidermist
    Harry


    "A man who has nothing which he cares more about than he does about his personal safety is a miserable creature who has no chance at being free, unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."
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