And a special one just for dtel!!!

As we all know, it takes 1 calorie to heat 1 gram of water 1 degree Celsius. Translated into meaningful terms, this means that if you eat a very cold dessert (generally consisting of water in large part), the natural processes which raise the consumed dessert to body temperature during the digestive cycle literally sucks the calories out of the only available source, your body fat.

For example, a dessert served and eaten near 0 degrees C (32.2 deg.F) will in a short time be raised to the normal body temperature of 37 degrees C (98.6 deg. F). For each gram of dessert eaten, that process takes approximately 37 calories as stated above. The average dessert portion is 6 oz, or 168 grams. Therefore, by operation of thermodynamic law, 6,216 calories (1 cal./gm/deg. x 37 deg. x 168 gms) are extracted from body fat as the dessert's temperature is normalised.
Allowing for the 1,200 latent calories in the dessert, the net calorie loss is approximately 5,000 calories. Obviously, the more cold dessert you eat, the better off you are and the faster you will lose weight, if that is your goal.

This process works equally well when drinking very cold beer in frosted glasses. Each ounce of beer contains 16 latent calories, but extracts 1,036 calories (6,216 cal. per 6 oz. portion) in the temperature normalising process. Thus the net calorie loss per ounce of beer is 1,020 calories.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to calculate that 12,240 calories (12oz. x 1,020 cal./oz.) are extracted from the body in the process of drinking a can of beer.
Frozen desserts, e.g., ice cream, are even more beneficial, since it takes 83 cal./gm to melt them (i.e., raise them to 0 deg. C) and an additional 37 cal./gm to further raise them to body temperature.

The results here are really remarkable, and it beats running hands down. Unfortunately, for those who eat pizza as an excuse to drink beer, pizza (loaded with latent calories and served above body temperature) induces an opposite effect.

But, thankfully, as the astute reader should have already reasoned, the obvious solution is to drink a lot of beer with pizza and follow up immediately with large bowls of ice cream.

We should all be thin very soon if we adhere religiously to this pizza, beer, and ice cream diet.

Works for me, I may even eat the pizza cold to speed up the weight loss, I should be in great shape in no time !

"Did you hear about the mind reading dwarf that escaped from prison?"

"No"

"Well, there's a small medium at large......."

Ever hear about the blue ship that collided with the red ship near a deserted island?

No?

Well......

Both crews were........

marooned.....

What did Snow White say when she dropped off her film to be developed?

Some day....

My Prints will come....

and in the so bizarre that it must be shared with fini and dtel department.....

and a nice police/ blonde joke for today....

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who also just happened to be a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She rummaged through her bag and was getting more and more agitated. 'What does it look like?' she finally asked.

The blonde policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.' The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.

'Here it is,' she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,

'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.'

Kathy and Sally are outside their nursing home having a smoke when it starts to rain. Kathy pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Sally: What in the hell is that?

Kathy: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Sally: Where did you get it?

Kathy: You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Sally hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted

LOL.  (well almost, woudn't want to laugh out loud at work .... in case someone would want to know why)

I'm terrible at telling jokes, but here's one I heard last night...

What's the difference between the bird flue and swine flue?

You get a tweetment for bird flue and oinkment for the swine flue.

Since the holiday season is approching, here is a little video to put us into the proper frame of mind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nytkzah78eU

Groomlakearea51:

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to calculate that 12,240 calories (12oz. x 1,020 cal./oz.) are extracted from the body in the process of drinking a can of beer.

I trust you and Fender precede your Sam Adams fests with lots of HOT pizza so we don't have to fear for the health of both of you? 

Groomlakearea51:

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to calculate that 12,240 calories (12oz. x 1,020 cal./oz.) are extracted from the body in the process of drinking a can of beer.

I trust you and Fender precede your Sam Adams fests with lots of HOT pizza so we don't have to fear for the health of both of you? 

BEC:

Since the holiday season is approching, here is a little video to put us into the proper frame of mind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nytkzah78eU

Makes you wonder about the morons in the audience.  The kids on stage look like they're bored to death.

James

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET12659 ---
 
CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY 


A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.

She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.  

She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again  

The man seemed more amused.  

When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,

she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.




The case came up in court. 




The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)

what he had to say for himself.




The man replied, 

'Well your Honor, it was like this:

when the lady got on the bus, 

I couldn't help but notice her condition.  

She sat down under a sign that said,

'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.   

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,

'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,

'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.

 But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time

and sat under a sign that said,

'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'

... I just lost it.' 

The science teacher stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"

Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette." The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche." The teacher smiled, and then she called on Little Johnny.

Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone." The teacher said, "Silicone? Why silicone, Little Johnny?" "Because my mom has two bags of the stuff and you should
see all the sports cars outside our house!"