I'm not sure how I should feel. Happy, angry, sad, etc.

A good friend of mine for 30+ years comitted suicide today. 

I know this much. He won't wake up to hear the birds singing tomorrow morning as we know they will be...

Big mistake, IMHO. Even crows in the A.M. are better than dead silence.

What bothers me most is that he never gave his buddies a chance to talk him out of it. I know I could have, given the opportunity.

 

 Of course it's a mistake. I am sorry for your loss. Somebody once told me, after I had made a crude joke about someone who had died, everyone on this earth has someone that loves them and will miss them. That has been what I think about every time I hear of anyone committing suicide. It's a very selfish act.  

 arfandbark,

I'm so sorry to hear of your friend's death. Thirty plus years is a long friendship, indeed. I hear you on the sense that he had alot of support from his buddies that he would not take in. 

 Sometimes the pain just gets too great. I'm sorry for your loss. Sounds like your buddy had a lot of good friends, it's a shame he didn't confide in them.

I too am very sorry for your loss.

That is a rough deal. Even though you feel that you could have made a difference in the outcome do not beat yourself up about it. What if you had known, did your utmost and still failed? In short you are not a professional counselor and may not have had the ability to dissuade your friend from his action. It is what it is and sadly is a fact many too often deal with. We all need to keep an eye on our friends and colleagues. We are experiencing some really difficult financial times. People may lose a lot and not because they were in control of the situation. The self esteem may get bruised or worse. If the situation or its consequences appear to be hopeless extreme decisions may not seem so extreme. But, my suggestion is to try and refer the person to a professional who can get to the root of the problem and maybe redirect it. Even the pro's fail.

 I am very sorry for your loss and prayers for the family and friends...from my experience, I think the one's committing suicide think they are doing everyone a favor by just going away but it seems that those that are left blame themselves for not seeing, trying, to fix whatever the problem was...even if they might not have been able to...sad...

Bill

Sorry to hear that Arf, very sad. 

Same thing happen to me a few years back- best friend was going through a nasty divorce. the guy had houses- hunting land that he owned- a Ruff Porsche- a quarter million in guns- tons of audio gear-more money that 50 people could spend in a lifetime- hier to a national food franchise.

He was extremely well liked by everybody- we talked at length about his depression- I really thought he was getting over the divorce. His death devistated an entire circle of close friends and his parents. He took his life in his parents home while they were there. He left two little kids that will be raised by some other man.I was thrusted into selling his assets and taking care of his property. I am still haunted by the memories to this day. The phone call at work- the funeral- Having to remove his belongings from his house. The guy who got me started listening to klipsch.

I wish I had some good advice for you but I dont. My sadness turned to anger. If  I see him on the other side I will beat his @ss. Selfish cowardly act.

What upsets me most is knowing all the good times I will be having tomorrow, the next day, and etc, that he won't be part of.

He will be sorely missed, I'll tell you that.

Thank you for your thoughts.

I've made my peace with him.  He was a very,very proud man.   A good friend until the end.

 

I am so sorry for your loss. Suicide is so horribly complicated. Leaves those left here with terrible complications, feelings of guilt, anger, the what ifs, whys, etc. It is indeed the ultimate selfish act. Must be so hard to lose a friend in this way. Paul

I am really sorry to hear of your loss and offer prayers for his family and friends.

As much as I dispise the act of suicide, I have worked with individuals who are clinically depressed in the past and I have learned that many of them have a fundamentally different way of looking at the world and their experiences in it than I do. I can't understand their pain; however, I don't think that they understand the pain that suicide would bring to their loved ones.

 I too have known several people who commited suicide.

 You alway wonder if you could have done anything else to stop them...... If only they would have said something........It just tears you up since you had NO IDEA it was coming.

 My heart felt simpathy goes out to you, his family and friends.  This is a tough time for a lot of people.

JM

 

Very sorry to hear about yoru loss.  I like others, lost a friend the same way.  My situation was a budding friendship so I didn't have the years of memories that you have. 

I still find myself (and I hate to admit this) a bit angry at him.  I also think it was the easy way out and he hurt far more people by leaving our lives unnaturally.

Nothing you could have done would have necessarily changed anything....  perhaps put it off a week/month a year...but none the less, your conscience should remain clear.  (easy to say, I know)

 

With my friend- my first reaction was to second guess the quality of my friendship. As events unfolded it beacme apparent that he had planed this thing for quite a while as a highly convoluted mess to keep his estranged wife from getting any more $$$$ that he could possibly prevent.

Coytee is correct- when somebody is intent doing this- friends or family cannot stop them

Don't waste one second blaming yourself as I did.